Divorce Support You Should Not Do Without
Lost. Scared. Lonely. Shaken. Sad. Angry. Bitter. Relieved. Hopeful. These are just some of the stops along the emotional roller coaster of divorce. It’s not anything that anyone should have to endure alone. Now that Divorce is so common, there are plenty of resources available to help you survive the process.
First, let me tell you the one resource not to rely on – friends and family! Their advice is often misguided, uninformed, and downright damaging to your ability to think straight. Don’t get me wrong, they’re great for a shoulder to cry on, to keep you distracted and to remind you that you are loved. All of which you will need during this ride. But, do your best to get advice from objective professionals and not biased family and friends. You’ll come out of this better for it.
Here are few resources I think everyone needs during the process and for at least a little while after…
- A Good Therapist – There is so much emotional trauma caused by divorce that it’s extremely beneficial to talk it through with a qualified professional. A therapist will help you explore your role in the end of your marriage so you can get clear about your goals for the next phase of your life. This is the only way you can hope to form new relationships that aren’t doomed to repeat your past.
- A Matrimonial/Family Law Attorney – Ending a disintegrating marriage is can be a difficult and complex process. So make sure you find at least three divorce attorneys you can interview before making your decision. Thoroughly research each of their practices and make sure to discuss each lawyer’s qualifications and fees. A good place to start is the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, an organization requiring the fulfillment of several stringent professional conditions. In addition, consider recommendations from your professional network, such as your estate attorney, therapist, or financial advisor. I work with several of the divorce attorneys in Columbia and would be happy to provide you with a few names.
- Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®) or Financial Planner – The most common and paralyzing fear that nearly everyone feels in divorce is “Will I be ok financially?” It’s inevitable. Before you agree to any settlement, you really need a second set of eyes and some financial projections so you know what you’re going to be looking at. Of course I’m biased and would prefer that you find a CDFA® actually trained specifically in the finances of divorce but like I said, I’m biased.
- The Internet – Divorce has become big business. New resource sites pop up every day offering a wealth of free information, downloads, blogs, referrals, directories, etc. It can be somewhat overwhelming so just pick out what you connect with and leave the rest. Go slow. Be kind to yourself. Also, Meetup.com is a great resource for local divorce support groups. Going to a few is a good idea but don’t let yourself sink in too long. Recovery is supposed to be about getting better and I know too many people that stay stuck in grieving and never move on. Use a support group to move through the process and then – move on.
This is going to be a challenging time in your life. Ultimately, YOU WILL BE stronger, happier, and ok – as long as you choose to. Use the resources available to you to make good decisions for yourself. Today truly is the first day of the rest of your life.
As always, if I can ever be of assistance to you or someone you know, please do not hesitate to call or email me directly at 803-576-4932, amanda.gunn@raymondjames.com.
Sincerely,
AMANDA SIMCONIS GUNN, CDFA®, AAMS®
Financial Advisor
Any opinions are those of the author and not necessarily those of Raymond James. All opinions are as of this date and are subject to change without notice. Raymond James and its advisors do not offer tax or legal advice. You should discuss any tax or legal matters with the appropriate professional.
