I wish I could say that every day in my job is fun and enjoyable. I wish I could tell you I spend all my time saving and making people money and celebrating big and small financial victories. Unfortunately, there are a lot of aspects of my job that aren’t happy. There are days I leave the office completely defeated. Surprisingly, they aren’t the bad market days. Sometimes they’re the days that I sit across the desk from a client and realize for the first time that they’re aging. Often times I’m the first person to notice it. It’s easy when you see someone regularly to discount or overlook their mental and physical changes. It’s the reason we don’t immediately notice when we’ve gained or lost weight; it takes looking back at old pictures and seeing our former self. We slowly grow accustomed to the changing state of the people around us and it doesn’t strike us as out of the norm. I do a lot of business on the phone and sometimes won’t see a client face to face but a couple times a year. I can tell you the day they sit down in my office and struggle to understand what I’m saying or recall our last conversation is a hard day for both of us. Given the nature of my job, that’s the day that our business relationship changes, for their safety and mine. Depending on the severity of the situation it’s possible they are no longer able to make financial decisions for themselves and the time to prepare for this day has come and gone. The process gets a lot more difficult from there. So that begs the question, who’s in your corner?

We recently had a client, we will call her Jane (no, that’s not her actual name), who was “seized” by the government for lack of a better term. Jane is 87 years old and has no family living in the area. I’ll skip all the intimate details, but after a social worker reported her not properly taking her medication and through a process that is far beyond my knowledge a judge deemed her incapable of caring for herself and ordered that she be assigned case workers and assistance in nearly all aspects of her life. The client was forced to move from her apartment into an assisted living facility. She was assigned a daily money manager to make financial decisions for her and was given a court date 4 months out at which a judge would determine the fate of her independence. Fortunately, Jane was assigned some incredible professionals to help her through the process and has really flourished in the last few months. Of course, there are plenty of details that I skipped over, but the reason I bring this up is because prior to this situation I had no idea this was even possible. I’m sure I’m not the only one that cringes at the thought of my independence being infringed upon in any way. And that’s why one of the first questions I ask all my new clients now is “who’s in your corner?” Who do I call when I’m worried about you? Who is going to answer the phone when you can’t? Who is there with a second set of ears when you’re meeting with financial and medical professionals? Who makes sure you don’t write a $20,000 check to the man on the phone claiming to be your grandson? Who pays the electrical bill if you can’t?

I know we all want to believe there will never come a day when we aren’t capable of making our own financial decision. At age 26 I didn’t want to believe I’d ever die either, but knowing I couldn’t get life insurance while laying on my death bed I took out a policy to protect my husband and newborn son. I make that comparison to say that the day you need help making financial decisions is not the day to decide who is going to help. And it’s certainly not the day to tell them. Calling a son or daughter to inform them that I am concerned about their parent’s mental wellbeing and decision-making ability is not high on my list of favorite phone calls. Not having a plan in place puts you in a vulnerable situation, much like in Jane’s case, but even more than that, there are plenty of scammers out there looking for an unassuming victim. Whether you are the child of an aging parent or grandparent or you’re preparing for yourself, it is never too early to start putting a plan in place. So where do you start?

The first step is deciding who that person is. Who will represent you and your wants? And it doesn’t have to be one person, it can certainly be a group of people, and there’s value in that. I’ll touch on that later. This article is going to assume you already have a financial professional who helps to handle your investments and financial planning needs. The person you are looking to designate now is going to join your financial team and work with you and your advisor to see through your financial wants and needs as you age. Typically, our first line of defense is our spouse or significant other. Beyond that it is usually our adult children or siblings. This person doesn’t have to be a family member, however. That’s another thing I will talk more on in a little bit. The person you choose to represent your best interests in financial matters should be someone you can trust to put your needs before their own. There are certain red flags that if present should disqualify someone from this role if possible. A person with self-inflicted financial struggles should not be trusted to properly handle your finances. Self-interest is too strong in that situation. No one ever likes to bring up this second one, so as the advisor I bring it up for them. If your child’s spouse cannot be trust do not give this responsibility to that child. In my experience, estates are seldom disputed by children and siblings. It’s usually the in-laws. And lastly, always be cautious of those cabana boys, the young, overly helpful individuals who ask just a few too many questions about your finances. As I mentioned before, it doesn’t have to be someone you are related to. However, if it’s not going to be someone you are related to or have a long-standing relationship with I’d highly recommend seeking out a credentialed professional. In our practice we use Dawn Larimer, the owner of Personal Financial Care. She is just that, a credentialed professional that helps people with day to day financial matters. Dawn works with each of her clients on a person level to ensure the seamless continuity of financial obligations, to help protect them from financial scams and vulnerabilities and to give reassurance to both clients and loved ones during daily financial decisions. In some situations a professional is the best way to go. Unfortunately, most predators in elder abuse cases are family members. Using a professional money manager can help mitigate that risk. That also leads me back to my point about having more than one person in your corner. If you have multiple children there is value in having each of them involved. It helps to keep everyone honest. Now, the depth at which you have them each involved may vary, but giving each child a basic knowledge of your overall financial goals and an introduction to your financial professional can help deter any sneaky behavior.

After you’ve decided who your financial backup is going to be it’s important to make it legal. There are different ways of doing this and the way you choose is going to depend on your situation. The most basic legal document is the financial power of attorney. This allows you to grant a person or people the right to enforce your financial decisions or make financial decisions on your behalf should you be unable to do so. This is the document I use in my line of work when dealing with family members. A financial power of attorney gives me the ability to take instruction from a designated representative and grants me the ability to discuss financial matters with someone other than the client if necessary. I won’t get into any more detail on that document because I am not a legal professional and that is not my area of expertise. There are other legal documents such as trusts that may be necessary for certain situations, but a good estate planning attorney can help with that.

Beyond making it legal it’s critical to get that person in the know, in the process and introduced. Make sure they know what your financial goals are, both short and long term. Express to them what’s important to you. If leaving a legacy to your children is important, make sure they know that. If it’s not, make sure they know that. If you have charitable giving goals or do annual giving to grandchildren, maybe you hope to send all your grandchildren to college, discuss it with your financial team regularly. Don’t leave important things in the grey area; be clear and decisive about what you do and don’t want your money to do. If your financial team is going to work in your best interest they have to know what your interests are. Getting this person involved in the process means getting them used to how you handle your money. What bills are paid to who when? What subscriptions automatically come out of the bank account each month and when does your pension or social security check hit? I’m sure you’re beginning to understand why it’s imperative to have the utmost trust in this person or group of people. And finally, get that person introduced to the rest of your financial team. I’ve met too many client’s children at their parent’s funerals. It’s a horrible place to meet someone. Not to mention, it makes the entire estate settlement that much more difficult. If your heirs or beneficiaries have never met your financial consultant and are forced to step in either in the event of your incapacity or death they are stepping into a world of unknowns and question marks. And at a very vulnerable time no less. Invite them along and do joint meetings while you are still competently calling the shots and clearly laying out plans. I’d venture to guess the vast majority of advisors would greatly appreciate this. I can honestly say I’ve never had a client bring along a family member or friend that I was bothered by. As a matter of fact, it brings a certain level of ease and comfort knowing that there is someone there to help our clients and us should we need to call in backup. I like knowing my clients have someone in their corner. When you build and connect your financial team it creates more certainty that your financial wishes will be fulfilled even in the event of your incapacity. It gives you the ability to continue living with the most independence and integrity possible when you can’t see those decisions through on your own.

Now, if you are reading this as the child of an aging parent or grandparent and you have concerns, this part is for you. Although my partner and I work with people from all backgrounds, we have over time carved out a niche with male business owners. I have learned more from these men than they could ever learn from me, but one thing that I’ve learned from all of them equally is that they are stubborn. They’ve called all the shots for years and years and the idea of turning any decision making over to someone other than themselves is foreign to them. Unfortunately, we know that statistically the odds are not in our favor and should we live long enough each of us is incredibly likely to experience some form of mental decline. Even the most bullheaded among us. So how do you help this person? Over the years I’ve learned how not to handle this situation and consequently have a few ideas of how best to handle it. When anyone is approached with a “you need to fill me in so I can help you make decisions” the defenses immediately go up a little, especially for someone who isn’t used to asking for help or wanting help for that matter. Instead, using something along the lines of “tell me what you want done so that you can be sure it happens no matter what” tends to be more openly accepted. No one wants to believe the wheel is or ever will be taken from them. We are their financial team, here only to serve them and it’s imperative that this point be stressed. We want them to start making decisions now so we don’t have to make them later. You are simply there to reiterate and enact those decisions should they not be able to. By making it very clear that they remain in the driver’s seat you are putting to rest any fears they may have. Approaching this conversation before it’s necessary is also a good way to avoid any pushback. It’s easier to handle the “far off and unlikely” event of a declining mental state than to try and address it while it’s happening. And above all, enter this conversation gently and with grace. If all else fails, reach out to their financial professional. Now, this person cannot legally give you any information that you are not entitled to, but express your concerns to them. A good advisor should already be talking to their clients about their financial team, but if not ask them to begin doing so. As their advisors we have already gained a certain level of trust on a professional and personal basis. The conversation may come more naturally for us.

What if you’re like Jane and don’t have family in the area? Or maybe you just don’t have a family member or close confidant capable of handling this responsibility. First of all, that’s okay. As I mentioned before, our team doesn’t have to be comprised of family. The reason that family is typically our first option is because we tend to trust family above others, but that isn’t always the case. Sometimes it isn’t even a question of trust but of ability. Don’t feel guilty if you fall in this category; you don’t want to hand this responsibility to someone incapable purely out of guilt. You won’t be happy; your advisor won’t be happy and your chosen representative won’t be happy. Don’t hesitate to use a professional. I commonly see daily money managers used in situations where children live out of state and cannot be there to handle the day to day financial needs of their aging parents. It provides everyone with piece of mind knowing there is someone there. They are your guardrail against financial scams and fraud and they join your team to make sure your financial plans are seen through as you would want them to be. If you think you’re someone that could benefit from their services send me an email and I would be more than happy to put you in contact with the one that I use with my clients.

We are all getting older; love it or hate it. And at some point we will all need to have a team of people in our corner when it comes to our finances, whether they are there solely as a second set of ears checking what’s being recommended and done or they are helping to execute decisions we made early on but can no longer follow through on ourselves. The time to put this plan in place is not the day you need it. None of us want to think about the day that we cannot make decisions for ourselves anymore, and that’s why today is the day to make those decisions. Putting a financial team in place early helps ensure that a deteriorating mental state or an untimely death will not derail what we want our money to do. If you’re reading this and realize you don’t have a plan in place and you aren’t sure who’s in your corner, today is the day to get started. If you don’t know where to begin, get ahold of me and I will put you in contact with the right people.