Widowed at 59.5 Years Old
The financial consequences of a spouse passing are enormous. Did they have life insurance? Was there a pension that provides for two lives instead of the more common choice of taking the higher check on one life? Is the home paid for, Cars? Is the surviving spouse titled on all accounts? Where is all the paperwork? How do we tackle probate and do we need to go through probate... There are so many financial questions to solve!
It is overwhelming and intimidating. As advisors we are trained to discuss the important things such as income continuation, amending current estate planning documents, health and long term care needs, long term health and retirement needs, and numerous other important financial facts. But the deceased spouse was more than just about money. There are memories and stories and undone plans.
Over the last several months we have advised several widows whose husband passed away, a few were unexpected and a few had lengthy illnesses. In the almost two decades of advising widows, we have learned the most important thing we can do to help our clients is to listen. Yes, the husbands left their wives financially taken care of. But more importantly, they left them with wonderful memories and some difficult ones as well, retiring young and traveling the world on a sailboat, adventures raising young children in Europe, planning a retirement date for the following year that was never realized...
We all know and understand life can change in an instant and to honor those we have lost we have to continue on. But how do you do that? Everyone has a different path but we have listened and learned that most believe the following:
It is ok to cry. It is ok to get angry. It is ok to be overwhelmed. It is ok to feel guilt, fear, and loneliness. Sometimes, those feelings may all occur at the same time. It is normal.
Ask for help! I remember a younger widow feeling ashamed that she didn’t know how to write a check or pay the bills and many other typical functions of finance.. We gladly worked with her for several months on bill paying, budgeting, taxes, and many other concepts. It’s ok not to know how, just ask for someone to teach you!
Grieve in your time...everyone is different! There is no right or wrong on how long you should grieve. I sat down with another widow several weeks ago who had been married 50 years and her husband passed away suddenly four years ago. She still grieves his loss. Another lost her husband 10 years ago, still celebrates their anniversary, birthdates, and other milestones. You can move on but you never have to stop loving and remembering.
