July 2022

Summer often brings vacation time. Whether it is a family vacation away, going to see good friends, or grown kids coming home, summer has traditionally been a time of year that we gather together with those we care about most.   Ironically, these are often the same people are our heirs, that is, for what remains that we haven’t enjoyed during our lifetime.  With that, having those conversations can be difficult and so I wanted to pass along a few thoughts that might help you.

First, my husband, Roger, and I have had this conversation with our adult children.  It can be a difficult conversation because no one really enjoys talking about death, but it doesn’t have to be awkward.  Here are somethings that helped us and may be helpful for you too:

• When we spoke to our kids, we asked for time alone with them, without spouses or partners, at least for this initial talk. We value their life partners, but this was something we needed our kids to hear first, from us, without external noise.
• We talked to them about how we value money in the broader sense. We have always talked to them about saving, spending and budgeting growing up, but it is good to reiterate those values.
• We already have a good sense of each of our children’s money skills, but if you’re not sure, ask some probing questions about how they save and budget to give you a sense of where they stand.
• We are in a blended family, so in our case, making sure each child is treated equally is a huge priority. Since we don’t want money to come between them, we laid out our expectations to that effect:  everyone receives the same percentage and that we have chosen to have a Raymond James Trust act on our behalf to make sure everything is handled smoothly.  For us, it is important for them to know we aren’t playing favorites or putting “biological” over “step” or vice versa, in anyway.
• We also set expectations. While our intention is to spend every last dime, there may be $3 left over, one for each of them.  While we chose not to disclose any real dollar amounts at this time, we wanted to make sure everyone is on the same page to avoid any resentment or conflict. 
• Finally, we tried to address any fears or questions they may have. Although we plan to be around for many more years, and this was just the first of these types of conversations, we wanted to make sure that our children knew they could ask us anything about this.

It can be overwhelming and a little intimidating to have the inheritance conversation with loved ones.  I encourage you to take the time to do it and avoid any unnecessary questions or concerns for when you are gone.  I encourage you to read this article (click: HERE) for more information and thoughts on the conversation.  In addition, our team is also here to walk you through how best to start the discussion.